How can you know if being in a bad relationship is better than being single if you do not know what a bad relationship is? The answer to this question is inextricably linked to your purpose in life. What does that mean? Well the purpose of everyone’s life is to experience joy. Not endless happiness. Not being forever wired into gleeful mode. Simply this: to appreciate and experience moments of joy. So if being with this person is not provoking moments of joy and appreciation, staying with them is preventing you fulfilling your life’s purpose. 

That was a seriously short blog post.

Not enough? OK, let’s delve in a little deeper.

How To Recognize a Bad Relationship?

How are you feeling? What is it like living your life right now? Are you mostly enthusiastic? Looking forward to seeing your love when your work day is done? Will you have fun together? Does your intimacy fill you with love, and awe that you are together? All of those things or none of those things? 

A bad relationship can be many things. Your partner (or you) might be:

• Controlling
• Quietly manipulative 
• Distant
• Uncaring
• Cheating
• Mean
• Too keen
• Too needy.

They may not be any of those, yet still you feel something is lacking. It could be that the chemistry is wrong. That it’s too routine, or you are bored with it. You could be fighting all the time.  Or justifying their behavior to your mother. Feeling frustrated and fed up. You know it’s not working, yet you still stay together. Why? Because being with someone, even the wrong someone, provides you with a comfort zone. It means you don’t have to make an effort. You always have an excuse not to push yourself or try anything new. Your relationship is the rut your wheels are following. You are afraid of the alternative.

Are You Settling For Less Than You Deserve?

A study by Toronto University found the fear of being single is what causes many people to stay in bad relationships. Stephanie Spielmann Ph.d, lead author, says,

“Those with stronger fears about being single are willing to settle for less in their relationships. Sometimes they stay in relationships they aren’t happy in, and sometimes they want to date people who aren’t very good for them. Now we understand that people’s anxieties about being single seem to play a key role in these types of unhealthy relationship behaviours.”

Being in a Bad Relationship is Wasting Time

Why are you wasting time with this person when you are both unhappy? All this while you could have been missing your true love. Had you been single this past six months, you could have met your soulmate, your twin flame, your life partner. But you choose to stay in this bad relationship because being single seems so scary. You could be out there, having fun, being with your friends, being in just the right place at the right time to bump into Mr or Miss Right. What are you doing? Your life is waiting for you, and every day that passes is one day fewer in which to meet true love.

But I Hate Being Single

Why? What’s so terrible about being single? Maybe you self-identify as one half of a couple? Being with another person is part of your identity. You simply cannot picture yourself as being an independent, autonomous, free-thinking, free-doing person. If that’s how it is, then this is a pattern of thought that doesn’t serve you well. To have a beautiful, reciprocal, loving relationship, you need to value yourself first. Understand you are imperfectly perfect and fine just as you are. You don’t need another person to complete you. You are whole. When you begin thinking of yourself in this way, you are more likely to attract someone like you. Someone who treats you special because you are unique. There’s nothing more attractive and intriguing than a strong, independent individual.

The Pressure of Popular Perception

This is called the ‘Hallmark Principle’. When everything from holidays to dining out is based on being one half of a romantically connected couple. It’s the feeling that you are not someone if you aren’t in a relationship. All those advertisements showing people meeting, connecting, and holding hands while gazing into each other’s eyes. Each one is like an insidious drip-drip that proves you aren’t a whole human being unless you are joined to another. Forget it. That’s not real life. It’s a pastiche, a selling point. You are being manipulated by the Big Sell.

Playing the Dating Game

Being single gives you the opportunity to try out a lot of dates. Pretend you are auditioning them for the most important job ever. Make connections but don’t commit yourself to a relationship which is less than thrilling. Turn it into a game. Have a blueprint of your perfect mate. You could even write down what you are looking for. Keep it fairly broad. Then when you date someone, compare them to your blueprint. Perhaps they have some of your ideal attributes, but they don’t spark your interest. Maybe they have all of those attributes but don’t set your soul on fire. Perhaps they have none, yet something about them sends your pulse racing? 

Living Single

One of the benefits of living the single life means you can spend a lot of time on you. Don’t sit around being bored and lonely. Instead see this time as valuable and potentially rewarding. Learn about the dynamics of relationships. Read up on what makes a great partnership. How love is meant to feel so you will recognize it when you meet it. Get out with your friends. Get out of your comfort zone: take on new challenges. Do some volunteer work. Focus on getting a promotion or a new job. 

What If I Never Meet Someone?

It’s true, you might not. Plenty of people remain single. And plenty of them enjoy the freedom. It’s perfectly possible to create a rewarding and fulfilling single life. Everything is a choice and you may, in the long run, decide that being single is exactly right for you.

Is being in a bad relationship better than being single? What do you think?